Flossing And Other Resolutions You Shouldn’t Make

I don’t think I’ve ever made a New Year’s Resolution. But a recent trip to the dentist made me decide this is the year to make one (and no, it's not flossing.)

I suspect I am not alone in my dislike for going to the dentist. At my last visit, as I cringed in the chair while metal scraped against my teeth like nails on a chalkboard, my sweet and truly lovely hygienist innocently asked “How’s flossing going?” In my mind she was suddenly a lawyer in a courtroom, asking a question she clearly knows the answer to as I sit meekly before the judge with guilt written all over my face. 

“Eh,” I reply, grateful that her hands were in my mouth so I didn't have to attempt a feeble excuse. She didn't miss a beat as she responded, “I know, I know…it’s all about habit. You really should get into the habit.” 

Then she paused, looked up for a split second, then continued. 

“I'm sorry. What I mean to say is, you could get into the habit. 'Should' sounds too shaming.  You just...could,” she concluded simply. 

The power of this, the beauty of it, the simplicity of it, struck me and all at once, I recalled something obscure I had once heard: that there is an African tribal language where the word 'should' does not even exist. The logic is that if something needs to be done, it will be done. If it's not done, then it must not have been necessary to begin with. Like a floodgate, these thoughts all came rushing into my mind, and it took everything within me not to bolt upright and kiss my hygienist square on the lips. Because right there, tipped backwards with a paper bib around my neck, she handed me an incredible gift: empowerment. There are no things I should be doing, just those that I could be doing. 

I should write a blog post, I should bring my kids to visit my grandparents at the nursing home, I should do the laundry. (And, apparently, I should floss.) The word 'should' comes laden with a sense of duty and obligation. It strips you of your power.  And the outcome of disobeying 'should': guilt and shame. It automatically puts you in the frame of mind: “I’m falling short.”  Because what happens if you don't do something that you should do? You fail. No wonder nobody wants to do the things that they should.

BUT....just think about what happens when you replace 'should' with 'could'. It automatically puts you, not the task, in the driver's seat. It gives you the power and with it, you can imagine the possibilities -- the outcomes of your actions, rather than the obligation to them. 

So for instance: I could write a blog post (and maybe inspire someone). I could bring my kids to the nursing home (and brighten the days of many elderly people). I could do the laundry (and make mornings that much easier). I could floss my teeth (and reap the dental and health benefits). 

I have that power and so do you. The best part: what happens if you don't do something that you could do? Absolutely nothing. No shame, no guilt. Because as the African tribe believes, if it didn't get done, it must not have been necessary to begin with.

When I stop to think about it, that's probably why I've never made New Year's resolutions before: it automatically creates a framework governed by SHOULD. It sets you up to feel like a failure. But this year, thanks to my dental hygienist and a potentially non-existent African language, I realized that I could make a New Year's resolution. And so here is: simply replace 'should' with 'could'. 

And for those pesky things that 'should' be done because they 'need' to be done? Well, then I'll just do it. Like flossing.